S**T people say to pregnant lesbians.

Just a random little post from me. Some of you may remember the video that was circling round a while ago called ‘S**t straight girls say to lesbians’. Well this is the follow up. This video made me laugh out loud. And I wrote the actual words rather than LOL as I did actually laugh out loud. Some of this stuff has been said to the wife and I on our little journey. Although I think it should include ‘Why don’t you use your wife’s eggs and implant them in you’ or ‘Will the dad be in the baby’s life’. They seem to also be favorite questions on our little journey but none the less still worth a chuckle and a watch. Enjoy.
XOX

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Warning: explicit content!

So, Iv previously blogged about the wife and Is recent fertility issues. We got news today of the biggest fertility issue we could possibly have. Our donor has fucking backed out. Now when we started with this guy he made a promise that even if e ha a girlfriend or what ever and children he would be willing to still donate. This has turned out to be nothing but a bloody lie. He text my wife thismornin saying that he could no longer donate as his girlfriend is pregnant and getting really in secure about it all. We have only been using this guy for 6 months and when we initially met he Didnt have a girlfriend. Mabey its just me looking too deeply into it but 6 months seems rather quick to be that settled. I feel live Wev been lied to the whole time. It’s just sic a fucking kick in the gut to be back to square one and looking for donors. I can’t even put my finger on how I feel. I go from being extremely pissed off and angry to feeling down about the whole situation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happfor the both of them. I truly am but I feel like you just can’t drop people like he has done us. But then I know he is well within his righs al though he’s not on my Christmas card list at the min. My wife is absolutley devistated at the thought if having to search for another donor. She’s even contimplating IVF even thoug we can’t afford oil just so we don’t have to go through all that again. Still I’m sure wel get through it. I’m sorry about the crap spelling. I’m writing this on my phone. I just needed to get it off my chest.

XOX

I am still alive!!!!!

I know it has been a stupidly long time since I wrote on here (Unbelievably almost two month) but I thought I would show my face. And yes, I am still alive.

Soooo, Life in the past few months….. Its been long and hard to say the least but were getting through.

The good points….. Had an awesome holiday with the Mrs. We went to the states to see my family for a few weeks. It was amazing catching up with them. I haven’t been over in two years so naturally two weeks wasn’t long enough to spread my self between the whole family and not overwhelm the Mrs. She is rather shy and my family is quite big and spread all over Florida so we couldn’t quite fit all of them in but the ones we did see were absolutely amazing. I just wish the law would bloody hurry up and change so we can move out there. But well, that rant is for another time. My parents had moved to a different part of the state since we last visited so we had great fun exploring that. Ate wayyyy too much. Drank a little too much but hey, that’s what holidays are for. I am going back in November because the wife and I spoke and we both feel I need better more regular physical contact with the family. Non of us are getting any younger and there’s only so much you can say over Facebook, emails and the phone,so if its within our means to get over there were going to do it. Although my lovely wont be going with me in November I an quite looking forward to it. Ill only be going for about 8 days over Thanksgiving and my dads birthday but it will be the longest my wife and I have been apart since we got together 8 years ago and thats slightly daunting but I’m sure it will be fine. Ill miss her like crazy but we’ll be fine and really appreciate the few days off we’ll have together when I get back.

While we were away the mother in law decorated our flat for us which I thought was such a sweet and amazing thing to do. We had all ready bought all the paint and wallpaper etc months before and she offered to do it for us while we were away. Now I can put my hand to most things and it turns out OK but wall papering that’s a whole different ball game. Its just one thing around the house I absolutely can not do. And I didn’t really want to try and to it just to cock it up. I have managed to cock up lining paper before. Don’t ask me how but well I did. We were just going to get her round for a few days to help me do the wall paper side of things but she insisted on doing it while we were away and it looks absolutely amazing. We are so grateful to her for doing it.

Since I last updated we have had a new member to the household. The wife broke me down until I gave in and let her get a cat. So we now have a little 10 week old black and white, lean, mean scratching machine called Tux. Shhhhh don’t tell the wife but he is my gorgeous little buddy.

 

On not so brilliant news, still no BFP. Well it would be a miracle if we were as we haven’t tried in the last few months. We didn’t really like the idea of the wife flying long haul in the first trimester. We had a silent miscarriage 10 months ago. While she was pregnant last time we flew to the Maldives for our honey moon and discovered we had lost the baby not long after that. Were probably being over cautious but didn’t want to take any risks. But since I last blogged we have been referred by our GP to a consultant at the hospital. We had the first appointment last week. And well its still a waiting game. Basically there not entirely sure she is ovulating properly, (which wev figured out ourselves she isn’t). They gave he a chlamydia test because my wife is such a hoe. (Slight bit of sarcasm there). Its all routine though im assured and the next test in line. I cant remember exactly what its called but I know it has ping on the end of the name. Which I should know as I deal with the procedure instruments occasionally at work. More on that later. But basically they’ll insert a dye into her and X-Ray to see if her fallopian tubes are blocked. We defiantly know she had PCOS. Now the consultant said if the tubes are not blocked we can get Chlomid prescribed on the NHS. If they are blocked then the only way she is going to fall pregnant is with IVF. Which would have to be funded out of our own pockets, and I don’t know how were going to be able to cover that. Were not exactly broke but we don’t have that much of an income that wev got money laying around. We do still have to account for most things. The consultant is looking into weather we would get funded or not but it doesn’t seem likely. I even said to her, seeing as we have our own donor which would be willing to donate at a clinic, We have my wife with a proven fertility issue would we still not get funded and purely because my wife and I are married we would not qualify. Your going to have to put up with a rant here. I know a heterosexual couple that had a fretility issue with the male side. Now I can understand people wanting children and I think the NHS is amazing for making it happen for some people but in this case he had no sperm count because he was an ex heroin user. Now dont get me wrong. I am not bitter because they funded an ex user. I am angry because as lesbians, we have to want to have a baby to be able to have one. We cant just get pregnant by accident after a few too many vino’s one night, or even genuinely try like straight couples have the luxury of being able to try. Now he wanted a baby, so they helped him out and ultimately it was his own fault he has no sperm count. Now I cant help that I have no sperm count because I am a woman. The baby my wife and I would have would be just as much loved as a heterosexual couples baby so I don’t see why gender of both parties comes into it. We have sperm available and we have an oven so all they would have to do it put stuff where it needs to be and hopefully bobs your uncle. Any way rant over. I dont mean to sound rude or bitter by any of that. I just think the whole system is screwed up.

We just have to wait for the dreaded period to turn up and within 10 days of that have this procedure done. Then we will know where we go from there. I have come to realise with the whole baby making precess. It is one giant wait. Were constantly waiting for something. Ovulation, 2WW, periods, Doctors, Procedures, Drugs, Information, Help. And when we do fall pregnant its even more waiting. Scans, Kicks, Getting through sickness and mood swings, Midwives and ultimately the birth.  Oh its all good fun lol.

If you are trying for a baby and looking for a folic acid I do recommend Seven Seas trying for a baby. There about £4.50 for a four week supply. And I know you can pick them up from Sainsburrys. On the box it says with folic acid and iron and vitamin D. Helps regulate hormone activity, Supports fertility and reproduction and supports healthy development once you have conceived. I know there probably slightly pricey compared to other prenatal vitamins you can get but I picked them up for the wife as it said regulates hormone activity on the box. I did think I was probably being sucked in by it but since we lost our baby 10 months ago we know my wife is not ovulating properly. She always used to suffer with sore breasts just before her period which she hasn’t felt since we lost the baby. She has been on these for a few weeks now and low and behold she has sore breasts. Normally this isn’t something to be happy about but something is going on so we just have to be positive and I know it may all just be coincidental but we are happy she has sore boobs 🙂

Well Iv probably bored you all to tears by now so I shall leave it here. I will try and not leave it so long before I write again. I cant promise anything though 😉

Stay safe and hold your loved ones close.

Until next time

XOX

Safe to say its a no go this month.

Well were about 14 days dpo and its still a negative. 😦

To be honest we didnt hold much hope in getting a positive this month. Were having a few problems in the fertility area. Ever since the miscarriage things haven’t been right. Were currently sitting at cycle day 43 and still no sign of a period! Normally this would be a blessing but its far from it. The wife’s periods are usually slightly out but never this bad. We use a clearblue fertility monitor that tells us exactly when shes going to ovulate but it did’nt pick it up this month so we don’t think she ovulated. She had bloods taken a few weeks back because we actually managed to get the Dr on our side. They were not the results we were hoping for. Turns out her progesterone levels are ridiculously low for the point she was at during her cycle. And some of her other hormones were out. We have to wait until she comes on and go have more bloods taken on day two of bleeding then we’ll know more of what were looking at. But knowing our luck she’ll come on Good Friday and we wont be able to get to the Dr until at least Tues as the’ll be closed. We also have an ultrasound booked for two weeks time to have a look at her reproductive organs and see if there’s anything visibly wrong. But until then all we can do is sit and patiently (or not so much) wait. We have decided were going to hold of the TTC while all this is going on until we know what were dealing with. Wev got a holiday booked for May so were going on that and right back to it when we return. I thing we just need a few months to get back to us instead of the crazy lesbian couple trying to get pregnant obsessed with sperm, cycle days and periods. And also I don’t like the idea of flying while shes so newly pregnant. Hopefully soon we’ll be able to give some better news.

Love each other!

XOX

A random little check in.

Well hello there everyone.

I actually have nothing of interest to say. I just thought id check in and see how the world is beyond my little bubble.

So this week has been pretty much the same as any. Rather dull and consumed with work but well that’s the life of a growed up I suppose. Have to do the responsible thing and got to work and pay the rent.

While I’m on here you guys may be able to shed some light on this subject. Does anyone have any idea where we stand as I’m coming up with brick walls and dead ends. My wife and I are registered civil partners in the UK. I have dual nationality so I am an American citizen and also a British. Two passports, birth certificates. Social security number for the US and a national insurance number for the UK. My wife is a British citizen. We want to move back over to the US. What are the federal laws on this. Would she get granted a spouse visa? If anyone can help fill the gaps that would be awesome. I just keep chasing my tail getting information.

Other random musings from me……

Its currently 11 days since the lovely wife and I inseminated. Not feeling too confident about this one. She knows her body and who am I to question. But she thinks there is no way we are pregnant. Still we’ll keep soldiering on. She had blood test for a few fertility related things last week and the Dr wants to see her. Not entirely sure what this could mean because normally he will just explain bloods over the phone. But we have to wait until Thursday before we can get too see him. I am actually quite concerned about this but I’m sure (well, more hopeful) its nothing too serious.

And on another note,

The sun needs to hurry up and get its ass out!!!! I am sick of freezing my ass off every day. I was rudely awoken at 6 am this morning by my alarm clock screaming its head off only to be greeted with an ice cold flat. Now I am not a morning person by any stretch of the word. I can barely string a sentence together until iv had at least two cups of coffee and a few cigarettes. But I think far more people would survive if it was just a tad warmer when I have to drag my butt from my bed. I’m like a reptile. I get the hump if I don’t get my few hours sun basking time a day.

Well considering I did’nt have anything to say I still managed to prattle on so I shall leave you now.

Be good to each other .

XOX

 

 

Question from Rachael.

Sorry for the delay on this blog. Been rather busy with work just lately. I was asked ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ by Rachael.

Well the answer to this question is rather simple really. I would like to be living in the US with my wife. Have a child by now. maybe another. If not looking into a second child. Own my own home and in a job where I can support my family with just enough in the bank account to get by and for the odd little treat or vacation. I look to have the simpler things in life like a re connection with my family in America and get closer to them. And quality time with my wife and little family. If within the 5 years the US law does not allow my wife and I to live in America I want all of this but I shall just do it in the UK with the view to move when and if the law does change.

Thanks for the question Rachael.

Stay safe.

XOX

Question from kittycollingwood.

I was asked, If you could pick 4 songs to describe your life, what would they be and why!? by kittycollingwood. I will try my best to answer this as best I can but I can absolutely grantee that it will go over four songs. I am really into my music and have such an eclectic taste that there’s a huge number of songs out there that mean a lot to me and describe different stages of my life and how I got to where I am today. But, well here goes nothing.

First up we have ‘Hold On’ by Alabama Shakes. I absolutely love the bluesy jazzy feel to these guys. For me this song just says you’ve got to keep pushing through and not forget your dreams and that one day you will get there. You have to ‘Hold On’ to all of this. My biggest dream is for the wife and I to move over to the US with our own child. Even though it seems an impossibility at the minuite what with the laws not recognizing our marriage, (and I say marriage and not civil partnership because that is what it is to us), and our struggle to conceive but if we hold on we will get there.

Up next it Bon Jovi’s ‘It’s My Life’. I honestly don’t think you can answer a question like this without this song. I know its an cheesy rock song but it does hold real meaning to basically live how you want to live and not hold back. I do sometimes need to remind myself of this. I used to worry too much about other people but I’m through with that. If I still worried what people thought id still be in the closet, way back in the depths of Narnia. Another song that ties into this theme of just living your life is Cat Stevens ‘Can’t Keep It In’. Why bother hiding your love.

‘If That’s What It Take’s’ by Celine Dion. This song has extra special meaning to me. It’s a song that I think about my wife when ever I hear it. It’s one of ‘our songs’. Yes were a cheesy couple that do that. We have been through so much in the last few years together and its all bought us closer together. So it’s basically my way of saying to her it’s OK to break down sometimes. Ill always be there to pick her up again. And it works visa versa. There is a version where she sings it completely in french and its absolutely beautiful. ‘Pour Que Tu M’Aimes Encore’. I can barely string two words together in french but I absolutely love this version. I know the English words for it so I can sort of figure it.

The next song is a rap number. Now I don’t usually go in for too much rap but I like the way this guy writes. Its probably not a very good example of his writing. Its called ‘runaway’ by Devlin Ft Yasmin. Now basically it’s about how he wants to leave his current situation and take his lady with him. Hence the connection with myself. It all comes back to moving to America and starting a new life. Devlin also sings another song called ‘Dreamer’ which ties into this. I am a bit of a dreamer. I can see our future. A nice house, probably in Florida near my dad and his wife. At least four bedrooms. Massive lawn. The wife and hopefully two children. Maybe a Beagle. Coming home to the family after a hard day’s work and sitting on loungers by the pool and playing with the children and dog together. I can see it all in my imagination.

The next one scrapes a little deeper. ‘Not Ready To Make Nice’ by The Dixie Chicks. Now this one pretty much outlines the relationship my mother and I have. You could say were not exactly best of friends. When she and my dad split I was very young. Too young to remember the reasons and details but up until very recently she had me believing that he didn’t want to know and that he didn’t care about my brother and I. I went over to be with him when I was 12. lived there for about nine months before I came back to the UK. I really only came home for my nan. My mum and nan are not really close either. I went over to America two years ago after not seeing or really speaking to my dad for about 13 years. I was just at that point in my life where I felt I needed to know where I came from. And I am so glad I did. I will admit I was really apprehensive about seeing him, as I’m sure he was. Only to discover we get on like a house on fire. Even though he did’nt bring me up, we are so much alike. I also found out a lot of what my mum had me beleiving was not true. He did care. Always tried to call and my mum would say my brother and I were not there. She claimed he never sent the maintinance checks but I saw proof that he did. He even had heaps of Christams cards and birthday cards that he got for us and they were either re directed back to him or it just hurt too much for him to sent them. My brother was the lucky one. He got the opportunity to move out there to spend some time with dad just after I got home. He took it and stayed. He did excelently at school and is now serving in the United States Army. So yea, the song basically conveys my feelings towards my mum and this silent argument is still going on, two years later.

Anyhooooo moving on. ‘Don’t Stop’ by one of my top five groups / artists, Fleetwood Mac. Just a feel good song to keep me pushing forward and not dwelling too much on the past. Look to the future and focus on dreams. Also ‘Shake It Out’ by Florence And The Machine. Get rid of the bad thoughts. Bury them. I’m all for trying to get as much positivity as i can.

I’m going to leave it here I think, now iv probably bored you all to tears. That’s nine songs. I was asked for four but I honestly could’nt cut it down any further than that so my apologies.

Stay safe and love one and other.

XOX